Halloween Hut Hut Hike

Sorry about last week. I went backpacking and was not at a computer to make my picks. Backpacking went well, except for the bear.

Indianapolis at Carolina: Fans confused when this contest announced, thinking it is a basketball game between the Hoosiers and the Tarheels. Dick Vermeil shows up and is put to work as a sideline announcer. Pick: Colts

Detroit at Chicago: I’m picking the Bears in this game, so I don’t give any member of the genus Ursus more reason to be angry at me. Of course, now I am making another group of carnivores mad at me, but at least this group is mostly in zoos on this continent. Pick: Bears

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati: Marvin Lewis realizing that perhaps it is time to start Operation Get out of Cincinnati. I suggest a raft that flows down the Ohio River to the Mississippi. Pick: Steelers

New York Giants at Miami: This game is in London, where the NFL is trying to spread the popularity of American football abroad. Because spreading our culture in other nations has proved to be so successful for the United States lately. Pick: Giants

Philadelphia at Minnesota: This could be a defensive struggle. Or conversely, an ineptly played offensive game. You say tomayto, I say tomato. Let’s just call the whole thing off. Only that probably wouldn’t work with the need for all NFL teams to play 16 games and all that. Pick: Eagles

Cleveland at St. Louis: Cleveland is playing pretty well this year and is still in the running for a playoff spot. St. Louis is still holding auditions for fat guys who can play offensive line, at least for a series or two. Beer truck drivers arrive with visions of glory in their head. Pick: Browns

Oakland at Tennessee: Rob Bironas kicked 8 field goals last week to set an NFL record, causing many people to pick him up for their fantasy leagues. People such as myself. I’m sure that there is no such thing as regression to the mean. Pick: Titans

Buffalo at the New York Jets: The Jets have lost linebacker Jonathan Vilma for the season and have a brewing QB controversy as Chad Pennington has struggled. There is only one thing to do in a situation like this. Kick a team while they are down. Pick: Bills

Houston at San Diego: This game will be held in San Diego as the fires in Southern California have been brought somewhat under control. Speaking of en fuego, Houston backup Sage Rosenfels joined Joe Montana, Kenny “The Snake” Stabler, and Vinny Testeverde as the only quarterback to throw four touchdowns in the fourth quarter last week. One of these is things is not like the other. . . Pick: Chargers

Jacksonville at Tampa Bay: Jacksonville released longtime QB Bryon Leftwich early in the season, so when David Garrard went down last week the QB duties fell to Quinn Gray, who had an 11.1 QB rating against the Colts. So many things to say here, all of them bad. Pick: Buccaneers

Washington at New England: How can anyone stop the New England offense, which is averaging a billion points per game? I think the only hope is to have the Patriots get overconfident, invade Russia and let “General Winter” do his work. Pick: Patriots

New Orleans at San Francisco: San Francisco fans advised to skip this game so they can perhaps put a little bit more money into their down payment on their million dollar 750 square foot fixer upper. Pick: Saints

Green Bay at Denver: Denver’s strategy of winning games on the final play with a field goal brings excitement to the football viewing public, but will eventually kill three assistant coaches due to heart attacks. The district attorney not sure if manslaughter charges will apply. Pick: Packers