Playing from the Three Point Stance

Detroit at Philadelphia: Detroit is 2-0 while Philly is 0-2 with one touchdown all season. Philly fans and fantasy owners of Donovan McNabb and Brian Westbrook have been reduced to inarticulate grunts when calling into sports talk radio, Pick: Lions

Miami at the New York Jets: An important battle in the AFC East, as the winner of this game will actually have a win this season and won’t fall too far behind the Patriots before the leaves start to turn. Pick: Jets

Buffalo at New England: I fear to watch, yet I cannot turn away. It’s going to be one of those games for the Bills. Pick: Patriots

Arizona at Baltimore: In what should be called the “Traitor Bowl” two teams who left their cities face off against each other. In this analogy, Arizona is Benedict Arnold who betrayed his cause and died embittered in England while Baltimore is some traitor who prospered in his new location but my historical analogy meter is not giving me anything here people. Pick: Ravens

St. Louis at Tampa Bay: Jeff Garcia and Joey Galloway used up their quota of touchdown passes last week. No mas for them. Pick: Rams

San Francisco at Pittsburgh: San Francisco is 2-0 despite being dead last in the league in total offense. Using smoke and mirrors to score points instead of the West Coast Offense might be fun for a while, 49ers, but don’t make Bill Walsh send down bolts of lightning from heaven. Pick: Steelers

Indianapolis at Houston: Houston is a surprising 2-0 and this is suddenly a big early season game in the AFC South. But as the Chinese saying goes “The nail that stands up is hammered down” and I am sure Peyton Manning has a free hammer from some endorsement or another. Pick: Colts

San Diego at Green Bay: San Diego had a chance to get revenge against New England last week and stunk up the joint. Perhaps San Diego is discovering that the Norv Turner Experience should be a rock band and not a coaching staff. Pick: Packers

Minnesota at Kansas City: Minnesota is playing great defense and needs to continue to play great defense so that I might continue to score points in my fantasy league. So the Larry Johnson slump this season needs to continue for at least one more week. Sorry, Larry. Nothing personal. Pick: Vikings

Cleveland at Oakland: Cleveland confuses fantasy owners and those who frequent wagering establishments by scoring 10 points one weekend and 51 points next weekend. Where do you go with this? How can you use past performance to predict future behavior here? Pick: Raiders

Jacksonville at Denver: Denver leads the league in total offense despite having to win both of its games by field goals in the last second or overtime. Just as you kick someone when they are down in a fight so they know they are beaten, you have to score touchdowns in the end zone so teams don’t get funny ideas about being competitive. Pick: Broncos

Cincinnati at Seattle: Cincy scored 46 points last week and lost. How do you do that? Do you think there were some harsh words in the Cincy locker room between the offensive and defensive squads? Like “Maybe you guys should discover the concept of tackling?” Pick: Seahawks

New York Giants at Washington: The Giants are not so much feeling like playing defense this year, deciding to use all of their energy on the defensive front to explain themselves in the pages of the New York Post. Pick: Redskins

Carolina at Atlanta: No one in the Atlanta area watches this game as they are all hung over after celebrating the Georgia win over Alabama in OT on Saturday night. Which is all for the good, really. Pick: Panthers

Dallas at Chicago: Dallas is scoring at will this season but Chicago is only allowing 12 points a game. This contest could be like one of those immovable object-irresistible force kind of things, like when you go to Chipotle and can’t decide if you want the barbacoa burrito or the steak burrito. Both make strong claims on your allegiance. Pick: Bears

Tennessee at New Orleans: New Orleans has stumbled out of the blocks this season with its high octane offense acting like a Model-T. And while they could still get their team on track and upgraded to a late model Mustang this season, they still have to go through the Edsel phase. Pick: Titans

Last week: 8-8
Year to date: 16-16